


A Sharp Surprise

by Gravytrain101



Series: Hogan's Heroes Oneshots [17]
Category: Hogan's Heroes (TV 1965)
Genre: Alternate episode, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Crittendon being an idiot, Hurt Hogan, Mad Newkirk, Neck Wound, Startled Hogan, Stitches, Worried Klink, worried team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:55:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27927886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravytrain101/pseuds/Gravytrain101
Summary: Crittendon is having the time of his life. He gets to take over the Senior POW position of Stalag 13, the camp that has never had a successful escape. He gladly takes over Colonel Hogan's spot and pushes him out of his room and into the common area with the rest of the men now under his command. He goes one step further and tries to have Hogan guess where his secret weapon is hidden on his body. He doesn't give Hogan a fair chance and reveals the hidden blade and pushes Colonel Hogan against the wall. Crittendon is so full of himself and too far gone in his own world that he doesn't see a problem with holding a sharp blade to Hogan's neck. The boys come running in because they heard someone shout, but that startles Crittendon just enough to cause Colonel Hogan harm.Or, an alternate take on "Hogan, Go Home" (season 3, episode 19).
Relationships: Andrew Carter & Robert Hogan, Robert Hogan & James Kinchloe, Robert Hogan & Louis LeBeau, Robert Hogan & Peter Newkirk, Robert Hogan & Wilhelm Klink
Series: Hogan's Heroes Oneshots [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875991
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	A Sharp Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> This also wasn't my idea, I just wrote the story. I hope you like it anyway! Please read and enjoy!

Crittendon’s POV:  
“Ah! Hogan dear boy, do you like my new shirt?” I asked as he entered my new room. 

“You mean my shirt?” he asked as he crossed his arms. 

“Oh is it?” I asked as I noticed we were wearing the same shirt, “It is! And look at us matching!” 

“Great,” he sighed, “You wanted to see me sir?” 

“Yes,” I said as I grabbed a cardboard box filled with his things that I shoved into his arms, “I’ve taken the liberty of packing your things up for you, save you an extra step.” 

“Aw, you shouldn’t have,” he said as he set his box on top of the locker, “Is that all you need sir?” 

“Just one more thing Colonel Hogan,” I started as I stepped closer to him, “I’d like to think of you as a clever man.” 

“Gee, thanks,” he said as he leaned against the locker. 

“I have a weapon hidden on me and I will give you 3 guesses to find it,” I told him as I held my arms out away from my sides. 

“A weapon? Is it in your clothing?” he asked. 

“No, two more guesses,” I answered. 

“It can’t be in your hat because you keep your secret papers in there,” he said as he looked me up and down, “Not your gloves or boots. Only things left are your stick and belt.” 

“You’re getting warm old chap,” I told him before I took my blade out of my stick and jumped him. 

“Ah!” he exclaimed as he was now pinned against the locker with my blade to his neck. 

“See? It’s all about the element of surprise,” I explained as I held the blade against him a little tighter, “I just sharpened it too.” 

“I can tell,” he groaned as he realized he couldn’t move without getting cut. 

“Colonel Hogan? Are you alright?” Carter asked as he and the rest of Colonel Hogan’s men ran into my room. 

“Blimey!” I exclaimed as I was pushed away from Colonel Hogan the minute they saw me holding a blade to his throat. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Newkirk asked as he shoved me to the other side of the room, “You could’ve hurt him!” 

“Newkirk!” LeBeau yelled from the ground. 

“What are you boys doing on the ground?” I asked as I peered over the table to see the boys hovering over their former commanding officer who now has a neck wound that was caused by my blade. 

“Crittendon, go get Klink!” Newkirk ordered as he took his jacket off and used it to soak up the blood spilling out of the wound, “Carter, get Wilson and make it fast.” 

“That’s no way to address your commanding officer!” I told him, offended that he would talk to me in that manner as Carter left the room to get the medic. 

“Well MY commanding officer is bleeding from a wound that you inflicted with your bloody blade!” he snapped, “Make yourself useful and go get Klink!” 

“You will be court martialed for this,” I told him before I left to go find Kommandant Klink. 

Newkirk’s POV:  
“The nerve of that man,” I muttered under my breath as I saw some red blood start to seep through the blue fabric in my hands, “Where is Carter with the damn medic?” 

“He’s coming,” LeBeau said as he held Colonel Hogan’s hand. 

“Newkirk?” Colonel Hogan wheezed as he saw the worried looks on our faces. 

“Don’t talk mon Colonel,” LeBeau said as he reached up and stroked his hair. 

“You’re going to be just fine sir,” Kinch told him as I kept pressure on his wound. 

“Did Carter get lost on his way over to Wilson’s quarters?” I asked as I looked away from Colonel Hogan and up at Kinch. 

“I’ll go get him,” Kinch told me before he ran out of the room. 

“Colonel Hogan!” LeBeau exclaimed. 

I looked back down at my injured commanding officer and saw his eyes were closed. 

“No! No, sir stay with us,” I ordered as I brought one hand up and slapped his cheek until he opened his eyes again, “There you are. We need you to stay awake sir, just a little bit longer.” 

“He’s losing too much blood,” LeBeau said. 

“Where is Carter?” I asked as we tried to keep Colonel Hogan awake. 

“We’re here,” Carter exclaimed as he and Kinch carried in a stretcher, “Sorry it took so long. I had some trouble carrying over the stretcher by myself. Wilson was going to help me but then Kinch showed up and we had enough manpower to get over here.” 

“Not now Carter, okay?” I asked as I scooted over to give Wilson some room but stayed close enough to Colonel Hogan to keep the pressure on the wound.

“Peel the jacket back just a little. I need to see the damage,” Wilson instructed as he guided my hands away to assess the damage. 

“Now go back to applying pressure. Here’s what we’re going to do,” he started as he looked around the room, “Kinch, LeBeau and I will get Colonel Hogan on the stretcher. Carter, you go and find anyone with the same blood type as him, he’s lost a lot of blood and will need a donor. Newkirk, you keep that pressure until I say otherwise. We will move at your pace to make sure the pressure doesn’t falter so don’t be afraid to tell us to slow down. Everyone understand? Good, now let’s go.” 

Carter ran out of the room while the other boys lifted Colonel Hogan on the stretcher. 

“Newkirk, you good?” Wilson asked as soon as his patient was on the stretcher, “Okay guys, we lift on three. One. Two. Three.” 

I stood up with the guys as they lifted Colonel Hogan, making sure I applied consistent pressure. We left his room and started towards the door until we were stopped by Crittendon and Klink. 

“Great,” I sighed as the two of them walked towards us. 

“How is he?” Crittendon asked as he stepped closer to Colonel Hogan. 

“Like you care! You were the one that did this to him,” I yelled, “Sir, we need to get him to the infirmary soon. He’s lost too much blood already.” 

“Of course,” Klink said before he moved himself and Crittendon out of the way, not realizing how bad the situation actually was since he heard Crittendon’s version of the story. I’m sure he was told that Colonel Hogan just had a little nick on his neck and not the deep cut he really gave the Colonel. 

“Keep that pressure,” Wilson demanded as we set both Colonel Hogan and the stretcher onto the nearest operating table in the infirmary. 

“Got it,” I told him. 

“LeBeau, go get Carter with those men he’s gathered. Please double check and make sure they have the same blood type as Colonel Hogan,” Wilson said before LeBeau left, “Kinch, you and I will take both his jacket and dress shirt off. I need to have access to his neck without worrying about his clothes getting in the way. Newkirk, keep the -” 

“Keep the pressure, I know,” I interrupted. 

“Right. Okay Kinch, I’m going to sit him up and hold him there while you undress him. Just get his jacket and dress shirt off. Don’t worry about his t-shirt, it will be hard getting it over his head. I can tear it off if I need to,” Wilson instructed before he and I worked together in sitting Colonel Hogan up. 

As soon as he was up, Kinch gently took Colonel Hogan’s jacket off. He threw it across the room to the other bed before he began unbuttoning the next layer. It took a little longer to get the shirt off because of the buttons he had to do but we laid him back down as soon as the second layer was off. 

“Good,” Wilson sighed as he turned to put some gloves on, “When I tell you to, you’re going to take your jacket off and step back. I will clean the wound as best I can before I apply another bandage. As soon as I put that bandage on you will continue to apply pressure. Once he’s applying pressure, Kinch, I will have you assist me. Everyone on the same page?” 

“We got it,” Kinch told him. 

“Alright,” he said as he stepped forward with a wet sponge and some gauze, “Step back Newkirk.” 

I stepped back and brought my bloody jacket with me. Knowing there was no way of saving it, I threw it in the trash can that sat in the corner. 

Kinch and I watched as Wilson cleaned around the wound as best he could. It didn’t help much but it made a small difference. There wasn’t as much blood coming out of the wound as before because the blood is starting to clot and form a blockade between the veins severed and the opening of the wound. 

Wilson stepped back after he assessed the damage and placed a clean bandage over the wound. I stepped forward and continued to apply the needed pressure before Wilson was ready to close the wound. 

“Doesn’t look like the blade hit any arteries that run through the neck so that is good,” Wilson explained, “It looks really bad because of how much blood there is. All I need to do is stitch up the wound and give him a blood transfusion. Kinch, go and get two of the men LeBeau and Carter grabbed and have them sit on some chairs next to us. I don’t have time to wait an hour for two bags of blood that I needed yesterday. We don’t need Colonel Hogan going into shock from the loss of blood.” 

Wilson's POV:

Once Kinch returned with the two volunteers, I put an IV in one of their arms and put the other end in Colonel Hogan’s arm. I told the volunteer to tell me when an hour has passed because I don’t want to end up with two patients when I already have my hands full with one. 

“Kinch,” I said as I got a cloth drenched in chloroform ready, “I know he’s pretty out of it but I would like to put him under just in case. Sit in a chair behind his head and hold this over his mouth and nose. I will hook this blood pressure cuff to his arm and I want you to tell me when he either stops breathing, slows his breaths to shorter, shallower ones, or when this needle drops below this line on the blood pressure dial. Any questions?” 

“No, I understand,” he told me as he placed the cloth over Colonel Hogan’s mouth and nose like I asked. 

“Newkirk,” I started as I turned to him, “You will help me stitch his wound closed. I will ask you for gauzes, scissors, and a needle. These are pretty easy to identify by name so I’m sure you can handle it?” 

“You can count on me,” he told me as I thread the nylon thread through the needle before gesturing to Newkirk to pull the bandage away so I could get to work. 

It shouldn’t take very long to close this wound but it is a bloody mess, literally. I walked Newkirk and Kinch through what I needed them to do while I stitched up Colonel Hogan. I finished closing the wound before I had to switch out blood donors which was great. 

I discarded my bloody gloves and cleaned around the wound as gently as I could before I taped some gauze over it so it wouldn’t get infected. 

“There we go. Now, I’m going to take the IV out and take him off of anesthetic so we can move him off the operating table. We’re going to gently lift him up without the stretcher and put him on the bed across the room,” I told the boys, “Then I will hook him up to another donor to make sure he has enough blood back into his system so he doesn’t go into shock.” 

Together, Newkirk, Kinch, and I moved Colonel Hogan to the bed across the room just like I explained. Once he was all covered up and as comfortable as he could be I put another IV in him and told the two boys waiting outside that he will be just fine. LeBeau and Carter ran in to sit with their commanding officer while Kinch and Newkirk left to wash up before they returned to Colonel Hogan’s bedside. 

\-----Infirmary-----  
Carter’s POV:  
“Boy am I glad he’s alright,” I told LeBeau, “I hope Colonel Klink punishes Crittendon for what he’s done.” 

“I hope so too. But if he doesn’t then I will,” LeBeau said. 

“Mmm,” Colonel Hogan moaned as he opened his eyes a little. 

“Colonel Hogan! You’re awake. How are you feeling?” I asked as LeBeau poured him a cup of water and helped him take a few sips. 

“Sore,” he whispered once LeBeau pulled the cup away. 

“Wilson said you would be a little sore for a week or two. He says you can go back to your room either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow,” LeBeau explained. 

“I was told Colonel Hogan was finished with surgery?” Klink asked as he interrupted our moment, “Oh and he’s awake, good.” 

“Klink,” Colonel Hogan greeted as he gave him a small smile. 

“I want you to know that I am having Colonel Crittendon transferred to another stalag tomorrow,” Klink started, “He always causes trouble when he’s around.” 

“Why did you have him transferred this time? Like you said, he causes trouble every time he’s here,” LeBeau asked. 

“He’s never caused anyone harm while he’s here. He’s only caused dollars worth of damages every time he breaks something,” Klink answered, “This time he went too far. This time he could’ve hurt, possibly have killed one of the other prisoners or the guards. I’m glad you are alright Hogan. I will leave you to rest.” 

“Wow,” I exclaimed as Klink left and Newkirk and Kinch returned, “Who knew he cared so much?” 

“I didn’t expect him to be so open about it,” LeBeau told me before we looked down at Colonel Hogan, “What do you think Colonel Hogan?” 

As soon as we looked at him, we knew we weren’t going to get an answer. He was fast asleep in his bunk. 

The four of us quietly moved to sit on the bunk next to him and play some cards. We wanted to make sure we were close by in case Colonel Hogan needed anything. 

The five of us spent the next two days in the infirmary, with daily visits by Klink and Schultz. Colonel Hogan recovered nicely, he just sounded like he had a bad case of strep throat for a few days after his operation. We moved back into our barracks again as soon as Wilson gave us the permission to do so. It was quite peaceful, knowing that Colonel Crittendon was gone and Colonel Hogan resumed his place as our commanding officer as it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you liked it. I enjoyed writing Newkirk the way I did in this story and I hope you liked the part he had in this as well. Let me know what you think down below!


End file.
